Most know I tend to lean to the left. Still, I am probably not
liberal enough for my hard-core liberal friends, yet I am far too liberal
from the viewpoint of my conservative ones. The truth is, I like to hear both sides of an issue. They keep me honest and aware. They allow me to examine my own
beliefs. As Covey states, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
In a time like this, surrounded by tragedy, we try to make
sense of things. It is not uncommon practice to rationalize things in our minds.
Terror. Hate. Racism, Phobia. Conspiracy. Gun Control. Individual
Rights.
FEAR.
My concern is all these attempts just lead to
finger-pointing, not solution-finding.
In America, we have lost the art of conversation. This is where
social media becomes dangerous.
There is a safety in sharing our thoughts and
getting 100 or 1,000 of our friends to “Like” our post. It is instant
affirmation which leads one to the fallible conclusion that, “I must be
correct. These people all think like me, and anyone who does not is flat out
wrong.”
Therefore, we turn to diatribe instead of dialogue. We turn
to accusation instead of conversation. We become intolerant of those different
in thought and belief from us.
No one is immune from this practice. Specifically Left and Right leaners do this often and use it to fit a personal agenda. It is well documented that the more hard core left and right wingers rely on entirely different sources of information. They are more likely to connect with those who think like them and less likely to connect to those with differing points of view. In essence, many of us use social media to fit our own
rationalizations about the world around us. It has become our socio-political security blanket, so to speak.
In my opinion, this sense of security is what is dangerous. This polarization gives us a false sense
of righteous indignation to the “other.”
To be clear, I understand people are angry. Anger is a perfectly acceptable, and common,
reaction. It is not wrong to be angry. Feelings are not wrong. They are simply
that: feelings. As a counselor, one of the first things I learned in my Techniques class, my Theory class, and my Ethics class is that I cannot impose my own values on the one seeking help from me. Inserting my own values only leads to mistrust and an unhealthy
relationship. The patient needs to recognize his own issues for himself. Sure, I can confront inconsistencies and
irrational thoughts, but if there is to be any growth and positive change, the patient needs to be able to accept and
realize these limitations for herself.
America needs to acknowledge that as a country, we are
ill. Not from domestic and foreign
policy, but from an inability to see and hear the other.
I understand this last statement is an easy target. It allows those of you who are already
polarized to continue said polarization:
“We are ill because we let Muslims and ISIS live in our
country.”
“We are ill because we do not have strict enough gun laws.”
“We are ill because everyone wants a hand-out.”
“We are ill because we are greedy and selfish.”
“We are ill because of Obama.”
“We are ill because of Trump.”
“We are ill because we are racist.”
“We are ill because people blame others for their
own problems.”
Polarization is easy. Blame the other side, the other group,
for what is wrong, and therefore, one never has to take responsibility. We are able to say to ourselves, “None of
this is my fault. It is their fault. And they are wrong.”
I call this rationalizing the irrational.
It is convenient.
It lacks accountability.
It is exclusionary.
The problem is, nothing gets resolved when we exclude.
And resolution is difficult.
It is messy.
It is inconvenient.
Resolution also takes time and an ability to have that rational
conversation. It takes an ability to listen and a willingness to compromise. Lately,
we have lost that sense of responsibility to have a conversation or to maintain
a dialogue with one another. As a society and as a culture, we have lost the
ability to hear and understand the other and then try to come to an
understanding. We have lost the ability to comprehend their hurt, their anger
and their fear. And that is always dangerous.
So, as you pick up your proverbial sword to defend the honor of your
beliefs, and as you fight for the right and privilege of your own personal truth, I
can only ask one favor: Don’t “like” this post.
Instead, continue the
dialogue. I am not asking you to agree or disagree with me, but to explain your position with maturity and reason.
And that can
only lead me to ask two other questions:
Are you listening?
Can we talk?
And then we can have a conversation.
